I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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