just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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