he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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