addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
