Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
