I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
