Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
