You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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