We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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