You're so nebulous sometimes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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