i may or may not be watching the land before time
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
