i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
