Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize