They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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