I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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