there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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