my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
