He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
