....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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