6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
