She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Houston, we have a squirter
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
