Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
