when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
