Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
