we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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