I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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