Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
