I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
