Who wears a wallet chain?!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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