Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
