I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
