i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
