you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
