I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
