Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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