I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
