Your dad touched me again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
