I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
