i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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