He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
