I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
