Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
