if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
