Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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