I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
