i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How naked do you want me to be?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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