you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
