belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
