Need sex. Gaining weight.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
