Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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