im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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