It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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