You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
