Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sarcasm needs its own font
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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