4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
