I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
