What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize