I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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