Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
