I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
