If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
