Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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