as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You can't just leave with hair like that
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize