can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
