i would punch a child for taco bell
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
