After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
be right there i have to get my cape
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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