no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
