Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
