C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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