I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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