Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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