Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
