At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
