it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
