Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
