Kiss
Puke
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
