I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
