your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
