Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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