she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he fucked my hip out of place.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
